14: Love in the Face of… Addiction, Betrayal, and Adversity

April 09, 2023 Geoff Eido
14: Love in the Face of… Addiction, Betrayal, and Adversity
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Show Notes Transcript

Welcome to Lunacy; where we discern the sacred from the insane and admit that whether we like it or not, we are all profoundly affected by the cycles of the moon. 

Today on the show, let’s explore to choose love in the face of adversity. Specifically, how can we use our love operating system to respond to our own addictions, friends or family struggling with addiction, or betrayal from someone we care about? 

I welcome your thoughts on this episode! Comment on Youtube or find me on Instagram!

I’m Geoff Eido. Join me each week for interviews and insights intended to shine a light on the darkness, like the full moon in the forest. 

Instagram: @geoffeido 

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I am Jeff Ado. This is Lunacy where we discern the sacred from the insane and admit that whether we like it or not, we are all profoundly affected by the cycles of the moon. Today on the podcast, I'm gonna go deep into love in the face of I want to talk seriously about the love operating system and how to use the love operating system when it is challenging, okay? Which is often isn't. So first of all, let's start with the idea that choosing love is simple, but it's not easy. Choosing love is simple, but it's not easy. There are so many times when we get triggered and we want to just react. In fact, One could argue that our natural state of being as adults is reaction, that we are constantly simply reacting versus responding to what is in front of us. Now, there's a huge difference here. If I'm reacting, then I'm constantly just bouncing around like a pinball. And in fact, one could argue and I would. If I'm in a constant state of reaction, then there's no sovereignty. There's no real consciousness. I'm just going with the flow, getting bounced around like a pinball. You know what I mean? And there's also no doubt that there are constantly forces that are coming at me things that would trigger me and can trigger me and will trigger. That I'm simply in the process of just reacting to and therefore being like traumatized and therefore not being able to really fully be myself, whatever that means to me, whatever my commitments are. So first of all, let's talk about the ego. The ego is designed to make sense of it all. The ego is designed to categorize things so that we know how to move forward, and the ego wants nothing more than to just make sense of things, be right about things, and also look good. We don't want to look bad. The ego does not want to look bad ever. Okay? And it always wants to be right. Not only does it wanna be right, it will murder people okay. For being right. Right. It'll, it'll, it'll start wars just so it can be Right. And that we see that over and over again through history. Even right now what's happening in Russia and. And probably other places in the world that we're just not aware of, there's war going on because somebody wants to be right about a line in the sand. So if the ego's job is to be right and look good at all costs and make sense of things, then number one, we have to value the ego, right? We're never getting rid of rid of the ego. We're never gonna abandon the ego completely. Without the ego, we would be completely lost. And there are those people in the world that don't have an ego, but we call those people crazy. Okay. Because, well, they just can't make sense of things. You know what I mean? And sometimes that's very beautiful and sometimes it's not. But I'm going to assume that all of us who are listening to this podcast have an. And and I want to appreciate the ego first. Okay? I wanna say thank you to the ego. Thank you to ego Jeff. Know what I mean? I appreciate you buddy, for making sense of things, you know what I mean? I wanna appreciate my ego for fixing my hair before this podcast, cuz everyone can hear my hair or maybe not. No. But really like, I wanna appreciate simply the ego and, and thank it for existing, but the ego is not where love comes. It's not, you can't be right about love. And love is something ineffable. It's something that's indescribable. Even though we experience it, it's that warm feeling inside. And it requires stepping back to choose it. So first of all, let's just start by dropping in because. That's really important. So wherever you are right now, whatever you're doing right now, I just want you to take a couple of deep breaths with me. Ready? Already for myself, and I'm gonna assume for you, things are quieter, they're more settled. I'm more in touch with my heart. I'm more in touch with who I am, and I'm less concerned about the busyness, about all the froth of the waves, about all the things that are flying at me, and the advertisements and the things that, the voices that are telling me that I need this, that, or the other thing in order to be complete. Those are lessened and I'm more connected to my feet on this earth. I'm more connected to the heart beating in my chest. I'm more connected to my soul or my spirit. I feel more capable of delivering whatever message it is that is trying to come through me right now so that I can be of service to you and to myself. So now that we're dropped in, one of the most challenging places for us to choose love is when we are triggered. It is so challenging. I'm sure that you're aware when you get triggered by something to stop and say, wait a second. Let me just step back for a minute and think about this and, and get in touch with my heart. That's, that's really what's the critical step is when it is that I am in a trigger. When it is that somebody says something to me that has me go, wait a minute, that's not right, or You don't understand, or, you know, or that I get angry. You're not listening to me. That's, that's a common refrain in my brain. I don't know about you. You may not have that. I'm sure we all have different triggers here. The point is, how do I love in the face of being triggered? Number one, I have to acknowledge that there is a trigger. I have to acknowledge that something triggered me. Whatever that is, I have to stop and say, wait a minute. I'm super anxious right now. I am riddled with anxiety. I'm angry. Uh uh. Uh uh. I'm sad. I'm just reacting. I have to stop and just take a breath. One way to do that is to actually just say, Another way to do that is to extricate yourself from the situation. I gotta go to the bathroom. You know what I mean? Gimme a second, ask for a moment, and then inhale and acknowledge all of the feelings that are coming up. Because if there is anger, for sure, there's sadness beneath that anger somewhere there's something sad that it's not. And beneath that, there's some other wound that I haven't allowed myself to heal that goes back and back to whenever it was that it first emerged. This idea that it's not fair, that I am not enough, that the world is against me, whatever that is. There's something wrong here, something wrong with me. There's something wrong with you. There's something wrong with all of it. These are the ideas, right, that that are underneath, that are lying underneath. So I have to stop, take a deep breath, and acknowledge that I am in a triggered state, and beneath that triggered state, there's some wounding that I have yet to heal or deal with. Now I realize. That sounds you know, cheesy. Okay. I don't, I don't give a shit. It's, it's real. If you want to be authentic, if you want to embrace a love operating system, you gotta acknowledge that we get triggered and that there is wounding underneath that triggering. Okay. I, I can't get around. So if I acknowledge that I, that I am wounded, that there's something in my backfield that I have yet to heal, that's step one. So I feel the feelings that I am feeling, oh my God, I'm really upset right now. I can't believe that she said that. He said that. They said that, whatever. Did that, you know what I mean? Take a deep breath. Think about it. Where, where does that come from? And then look, it's inevitably, some memory will percolate and come up. And in the moment if you're dealing with another person, it's, it's very challenging to stop and say, well, you know, I, I really need to process this thing that happened to me when my mother yelled at me when I was four years old for eating a banana. They're not trying to hear that. But you can't say stop. Just gimme a second. Hold on. And you could either say, can we, I'm really triggered right now acknowledge it. I'm really triggered by this. I'm not sure why. Can we just talk about this later or can I, can I have a minute to just really think about this? You can also just say sometimes that's not appropriate, right? You're not talking to your spouse or something like that. Maybe you're talking to, I don't know, your coworker or something. You can just say, stop. I just need a second. Just gimme a second and then take a couple of deep breaths. And then ask yourself, how do I come from love and then listen for a second and then respond versus reacting. If I ask myself, how do I come from love more? There will be an answer. And if I listen to that answer and I communicate that, then I'm coming from love. Even though there's this triggering behind it, there's this wounding underneath, I'm still choosing to come from love. Now, one of the challenging things for me, so I'm sure for you as well, Is, is getting into that state of love in those moments. When I am triggered, how? How do you expect me to just get in touch with my heart of hearts and really come from love when I'm furious or very sad or whatever it is, right? Triggered. One thing is gratitude. There's just it's cliche. It's whatever. It's cliche because it's true. Okay? If I come from gratitude, even if I just for a moment just stop and say, you know what? I'm grateful for this exchange because I know that there's a lesson in it, and even though it might not be abundantly obvious to me right now, and I want to strangle the person or cry. I know that there's a lesson here, so I am, I choose to be grateful. I am grateful for this moment. I'm grateful for this interaction. There's something for me to learn. Could be something totally different. I'm grateful for my dog. I'm grateful for my cat. I'm grateful for my family. I'm grateful for the trees outside and the rain that falls upon the earth. Okay, because the sky's crying right now. And rough and ready, just so you know. So choosing gratitude is one way to get to get in touch with love. Another way to get in love is to really presence who this person is for you. Beyond all of that, this is your partner we're in this together. And then, then it's more possible for me to respond if I get present to, for instance my wife triggers me and I trigger her. And if I stop and think about, wait a minute, wow. If I stop to just think about how lucky I am that there is a person in my life that has chosen to be with me and put up with all of my nonsense, And has chosen me as their partner in life, and I get present to that and all of the reasons why I married her, you know, all those things start flooding in and then I'm able to just stop and take a beat and think about it. And a lot of times with her in particular, I'll say, just stop. Just gimme a second. And then I'll walk away and go, just think about it or do something else. And then when I come, when I get to the point where I. Oh, wait a minute. I see why I got triggered then. That's the point where I come back and I reengage in the conversation because then I know I can come from love and I'm not gonna say a bunch of shit that, I don't mean that then's gonna come back to haunt me later. That now I've, I've re-traumatized this wound in myself and I've also spread it to her. You know what I mean? I've attacked her verbally in some way. Right. So, so that's, that's. Now it really, it, it comes down to how do I just take a breath? How do I take a break? How do I, how do I stop and get in touch with my heart and feel my heart might even be, I gotta stop and you know what? I gotta go meditate. I gotta go exercise. I gotta go do some yoga. I gotta go look up at the sky and just. Breathe for a minute. whatever it is that you need to do to get in touch with your heart, whatever it is that I need to do to get in touch with my heart. I'm gonna do those things and then I'm gonna come back to the conversation where I'm triggered. It is, I will admit a very challenging thing, but it's simple. It's simple. I choose love. Even if I say to myself, I ask myself, how do I come from love here? How do I come from love here? How do I come from love? Here? It starts that muscle. It starts me looking to see how it is that I come from love and how it is that I love this particular situation. And that's really important. You know, Ramdas's whole thing was I am loving, loving awareness. I am loving awareness. That's the meditation that he repeats that he got from his guru, right, from his teacher. I am loving awareness. How do I keep thinking? I am loving awareness? And then how do I express that from that place? That's another great way. For me, it's how do I come from love more? How do I come from love here? How do I come from love now? Okay, here we go. You ready? This is the big leagues. Big time. All right, love In the face of betrayal. Love In the face of betrayal, you. There are unfortunately times in life where we feel utterly and totally betrayed by people that are super close to us and that we cannot get rid of. Okay? There are times when we feel betrayed and lied to by family members, siblings, parents, children loved ones people that we work with. How do I come from love? When I feel betrayed, how do I look beyond the betrayal and the unfairness of what I'm seeing and see compassion and see that even though I might not fully understand where they are coming from and why they would do such a despicable thing, I know that there's a. And I know they're trying to figure it out just like me, and I know that underneath all of it, they also come from love. The key there is to speak your truth, to say what it is that you have to say, and also reiterate that despite all of that, I love you and I forgive you if that's necessary. One of the places that this comes up and has been, alive and real in my life, is addiction. Now, I, I don't know anybody outside of children who, and even them, I don't really know anybody who hasn't been touched by addiction. Negatively. I don't know anybody. Now that doesn't necessarily mean that they themselves are addicted, although it could mean that but I certainly mean. That I don't know anybody that hasn't been negatively affected by addiction in terms of somebody died or something really terrible happened because so-and-so was addicted to X. Usually X is either alcohol or opiates these days. Mm. There's other things too, right? That, you know, other drugs and, and substances and ways of. And food that people can get addicted to as my stomach growls. I don't know if you heard that, but my stomach was making a comment right when I was talking about addiction to food. You know what I mean? Cause I haven't eaten yet today. That's right. Fastened. So, I don't know. Anybody that hasn't been at, hasn't been affected by addiction. What does one do in the face of addiction? First of all, let's start with ourselves. Right? I was a smoker. I smoked cigarettes for years, since I was like, you know, 16. So that's a long time ago. I quit about two and a half years ago, but I had also quit before that. So many times. So many times. Once I quit for three years, yeah, three years time, and went back to it, something happened, I don't know, and I went back to smoking. How do I love myself in the face of my own addiction to cigarettes? When I know that cigarettes are bad for me. When I know that uh, this is gonna kill me. This, these cigarettes is gonna, it's gonna kill me. And then people are gonna be sad around me who love me because I'm dead cuz I was a smoker, which is something completely preventable. Just don't buy the cigarettes and don't smoke them. How do I love myself in the face of my own addiction? Number one, recognize that the addiction is present. Oh my gosh, I'm totally addicted to cigarettes. Hmm. I can't. I can't stop every morning. I wake up. I want one after a meal. I want one. When I talk to people on the phone, I want one. You know what I mean? They're all these triggers for the addiction. So I have to love myself in spite of the fact that I am addicted. I have to consciously say to myself, you know, I'm choosing to love myself, even though I know that there is this addiction that I need to get rid of, that I want to get rid of, and then ask for help. And that's maybe the most challenging part because if I ask for help, that's an acknowledgement that there's something wrong with me or that I've done something dumb like smoked cigarettes or, or you know, drank too much or whatever. And that's gonna look bad and people are gonna think that I'm a bad person because I look bad. And also I'm beating myself up because what a stupid idiot would smoke cigarettes and drink the drinks and do the things. You know, what kind of a sad sack am I that I need to do that stuff? Meanwhile, I'm not talking to anybody about this. I'm just stewing on it and I'm using the addiction as a crutch to not feel that that is certainly true with alcohol. It's certainly true with opiates. I mean, I'm pretty sure it's true with every single addiction that we have could be also food, right? I eat so that I don't have to feel, you know, also accepting that I am. And I'm also just trying to figure it out. So I have to love myself in spite of all of that. And then I have to love myself and believe in my ability to liberate myself from the addiction in the face of years Sometimes, you know, years of being addicted to the thing. How do I love myself and accept myself and believe that I don't need that anymore because. There's part of me that yearns for it and will miss it when it's gone because it's been a part of my existence for so long. How do I come from that? Oh man, you know what? I gotta keep on loving myself. I gotta keep on asking for help. I have to keep on searching, reading books that are gonna fill me up doing whatever practices that are gonna help me. I know for me, meditation is super helpful. Right? I know exercise is super. Et cetera, you know, whatever it is that works for you. But number one, loving myself. Accepting. Just accepting, okay, this is where we are right now. We're stuck in this addiction and I have to stand in my weakness. That's the key thing. I have to stand in my weakness and. That I'm weak here, that I am addicted to the nicotine, to the alcohol, to the opiates, to the cocaine, to the whatever it is that you might be addicted to the food. Right? And I love myself even so, and I accept myself even so. The key there is self-love is so critically important. It's so important, and yet it's not something that we generally give ourselves in this society. You know, it's interesting. The di Lama was once interviewed and encountered a group of therapists from the west, and he was. Flabbergasted at the fact that we have so many self-esteem issues in our culture because it's a given that you love yourself in their culture and in, you know, that their whole spirituality, it's a given that you love yourself and you appreciate yourself and who you are. And if you don't feel that way, then you're considered a fool. So. You know, but it's such a common thing in our culture. We just don't talk about it, and we don't accept that there is a need for that, and yet there is. So how do I come from love more in terms of my addictions, my own addictions, and how do I love myself? And that's a question that will give its own answers, but to search for the answers is not. ultimately effective, what we're searching for, what I'm searching for is a way of being. In other words, when I ask the question, how do I love more, many answers fill my screen right? How do I love more? If I listen to those calls and I, I take those actions, then that's good. Then I'm starting to act in love, but it's not well, I did all those things and now I'm great. Ha ha. That's not the point. The point is, To stay in the inquiry, to continue to ask that because the ego is gonna attach to, well, I did all these things, you know, now I'm great and lose the love aspect completely. The ego again, does not come from the heart, it comes from the mind. And again, it's critical. Love you ego, know what I'm saying? But also the heart. How do I love more? So. In terms of our own addictions, it's super important that we do whatever we can. I read a book, for instance. There's a book called The Easy Way to Stop Smoking. That is a brilliant piece of material that you could also read to quit pretty much anything. In fact, I think he wrote it for the easy way to stop drinking as well as smoking Alan Carr. It's great. What's great about it is that he really gets underneath all of the guilt and shame that I have about smoking. He gets underneath it and then he makes the weed tobacco. He makes the weed the enemy. He makes the weed the enemy, and he makes those making money on the enemy. The perpetrators, and so then I am the victim, and then I start to get mad at the fact that this weed is so addictive and that these people are selling it to me and acting like it's no big deal. And then I start to see, oh man, I'm just caught in this trap. And then it's easier for me to see the trap, and I even see the guilt and shame that I feel as part of the trap. And then I'm able to separate off from that and go, okay, wait. I'm just choosing to love myself. I'm just choosing day by day, one day at a time. You know what I mean? I'm choosing to love myself and I recognize this addiction that I have. Love in the face of someone else who is addicted. Now, this is a huge challenge. This goes back to being betrayed by people that we love, feeling betrayed by people that we love. Now, I don't know about you, but I've lost people to addiction. I've lost three friends, four friends, really Four friends. Two addiction. One of them I didn't know he was, I didn't know that there was a thing. I didn't know there was a problem. One of them, I did know that there was a problem and I don't feel like I did enough. I don't feel like I did enough, and he's gone now. There's actually, I guess three of those now for those people. I, I have to just accept that, you know, maybe I could have done more and also that they chose their path and that they are responsible for what happened to them and send them love in the hereafter cuz that's important. Not everybody does. I don't really care. I love them. I choose to love them, and I'm sorry that this happened to them, and I choose to love them, and I send them love in the hereafter. Then there are a couple of people that I know that I was able to help. There's three people that I was able to help get off of their addiction. And I'll get to that in a moment. But first, what I want, where I want to say is love in the face of people who are addicted in your life. Love in the face of those people who are addicted in, in my life, I have to see that there is an addiction. I have to see that this person that I've known maybe for years probably. This person is addicted to something and they can't get off of the addiction, and they are not behaving from their heart. They're not even behaving from their rational mind, from their ego, they're behaving from the standpoint of the addiction. I have to accept that I am talking to a disease versus talking to the person. That I have known all of my life. I have to come from a space of, okay, I see that this person is addicted. I'm gonna love them anyway. I see that this person is lying to me. I'm gonna love them anyway. It doesn't mean accept the lies. In fact, it means quite the opposite. It means say, I know you're lying to me right now. I don't care that you're lying to me. I love you anyway. I love you despite the fact that you're lying to me. I know that that is not your true nature. And I know that you are lost right now, and I love you anyway, that goes. So far with somebody, it really does because then I'm creating a space where I'm acknowledging what's actually happening, which is forever, and always being swept under the rug. Let's pretend like everything is fine here and that there's no problem, and for sure let's not admit that there is a problem because that would mean. Looking bad and being wrong, right? I can't hold it together, and so I've chosen this substance, alcohol, opiates, whatever, Acknowledging that someone is lying to you and that they're lying to themselves is critically important. Wherever addiction lies. There are always secrets. There's always secrets. Stuff that they don't want you to know or they don't want to talk about. And then they, they, you know, they'll get you involved. Oh, well, don't tell so-and-so about this and that, you know, in a moment of truth where they're, they're coming to their, their own. They'll tell you, you know, just to keep a secret. Don't keep any secrets. That's step one. That's, that's step one. And how do you come from love in the face of a. Step two is don't take it personally. They are not responding to me. Even if they're yelling in my face, they're not responding to me. They are coming from the addiction. Step three is taking a stand. A stand. No way, Jose, not on my watch kind of stand. I see that you were addicted to this and I will never pretend that you're not addicted, and I will stand for you getting help, but I'm not gonna pretend that it's not there and I am requesting that you do something about it. In fact, I'll help you do something about it. Here are different places that you can go to get the help. Here's how I can help you now. The other thing is recognize that they are dealing with a hungry ghost. Now, I've talked about this before, but I'm gonna talk about it again. It bears repeating Hungry ghosts. This is an idea that there is a ghost that is attached to you that will never be satisfied or satiated. It's just gonna keep eating and eating like Slimer from Ghostbusters. Okay? Anybody remember it? Throw yourself a big fat favor, Google Slimer from Ghostbusters one and just check it out, right? He's constantly eating right. He's chubby, but all, everything just falls right out of. That's the idea of a hungry ghost. And this is an idea that's in Buddhism and the DMA talks about it and other people talk about it. And it's not that I think that there are ghosts floating around that are attaching to people that then are insatiably eating. I'm, I'm not saying that that's not the case. Okay. Because maybe that's the case. I don't know. I don't have ghost goggles. But there are definitely energies that have, that. There are definitely ideas and energies that have that, that will continue to feed on me, that come to our lives in the, in the form of addiction, right. Is it the alcohol itself that is causing me to spiral down? Is it the opiates themselves that are causing me to spiral down or is there some other energy, some other thing that I'm trying to fill this unfillable hole with, right? That's just unquenchable. And what is that unfillable hole? What is that idea? Because that is what is underneath the addiction. Again, going back to personally, if I look at my own addiction, what is that trying to fill? Well, there's something wrong with me and I need to fill it with this addiction, or I need to, I need to, I need to drink so I can pretend like it's not a thing. I just need a drink. I just, you don't, you don't understand the day I've had it. Okay. I just need a drink. That's gonna help. I'm not saying to everyone don't drink. Okay. I'm not trying to force prohibition on people at all. That's not, that's not my deal. Okay. Personally, I drink a lot less these days because for me, you know, it probably was an addiction and and also it just doesn't help anything. The reality. For me, if I have a drink, you know, I might feel good better about it for a second, I'll get a little numb, but it inevitably comes back even worse. And then I'm a jerk. You know what I mean? Or I just feel so terrible the next day. That's just how it goes. I can't speak for everyone, I can say that the, the idea, let me put it this. The thing that is making me addicted in the first place, which is some kind of an idea that there's something wrong here, something wrong with me something wrong with the world, right? Usually it's something wrong with, there's something wrong with me or I'm trying to forget, you know what I mean? The idea that brings me to the substance that I'm now addicted to, that's the underlying addiction. That's the real. That thing really wants to believe that it is right as well. It wants to survive this notion that there is something unforgivably wrong with Jeff, that he is just, he's just a bad person. He's a bad guy and he's, there's no way he's gonna get out of it. No, no. Doesn't matter, dude. She left me or whatever it is. Or I didn't do this, or whatever it is, right? Or, or that thing happened when I was a child. Um, you. This idea that is underneath it all, that there is something wrong with me that happened years ago that is the true addiction and the alcohol and the opiates and the eating and the whatever it is that I might be trying to cover it up with. Those are things that are just. Constantly feeding it. And it seems like they're helping, but they're not. They might even help for a second, but they, then they don't, then it's even worse. Imagine that if there was a fire and you took a cup of vodka and you threw it on the fire, that there's an instant where the fire goes lower from the liquid that is on it, right? And then all of a sudden after a second like it, it goes lower, and then you think maybe the fire's going up, but all of a sudden who there's a huge flame. Imagine that. That's the case. That's what goes on with the addiction. You know what I mean? We feel good for a second, you know, we're like, okay, everything's fine again. And then all of a sudden it's just bad. It's just worse. And what do we do? We gotta feed it more. We gotta feed the addiction more. I don't have any purpose. There's something wrong with me. I gotta, I gotta fix this. Well, I don't wanna fix it. I just wanna be uh, leave me alone, you know? because I won't fundamentally deal with the idea that there's something wrong with me, that I believe that there is something wrong with me and there is something wrong here, and I won't acknowledge that wounding and allow it to heal and give that wounding love. Now when that happens with other people, it's important to just recognize that that's what's going on, man. They have this bullshit idea that there's something wrong with them if I'm the one standing for them. If it's me in their face, I know that that's nonsense. I know their true nature. By the way, the people that I have successfully helped, I knew them. I knew who they were. I knew that they were loving human beings that I really cared about. I knew that we had had a lot of good times, and I also knew that this wasn't them, that this addiction wasn't them. And if I stand in that versus what they might be saying to me or doing out of this addictive place. If I stand in that I love them and I know that there's something not wrong, I know that. I know that there's nothing fundamentally wrong with them. If I stand in that place, then there's an opening for them to see that for themselves. Do you see if I keep the idea that there is something wrong with them, that they're somehow an idiot or something like that for getting addicted and falling into this? No, that just puts me in their cycle. That just puts me in the relationship, in the dynamic with the addiction and the Hungry Ghost, where there's never, it's never gonna get filled, forget it. It's just not, because I still have this idea, oh, well, so-and-so is just, that person's just a total drunk. You know what I mean? If he figured it out and woke up, he wouldn't be drinking all the time. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it doesn't. It doesn't work. And, and we have to be careful of that as people who are related to the person who has the addiction because the ego just wants to be right. And so the part of the ego's job is to look at them and see and say, look at how fucked up they are. I'm fine. At least I'm not as bad as they are. You know what I mean? It's so sick and twisted. But that's the way our ego works. That's the way it works. For whatever reason, it's designed to work that way because it's a survivalistic mechanism that wants to survive. And so the more that it can maintain the idea of superiority to other people, the more that it feels like it's right and it looks good and everything's fine, it's not gonna get murdered by the tribe. You know what I mean? Or ostracized. So,] if I maintain that idea, this false idea of superiority, that I'm better than them because I'm not addicted, and that's, that's going nowhere. You know what I mean? You might as well just leave 'em alone. But if I accept that this is not, This addiction is not them. They have an addiction, but they are not the addiction. Okay? And they can get through the addiction, they can get over it. Then there's the possibility, the opportunity that I can create the space for them to save themselves. Because I mentioned, you know, there's a couple of people in my life who I have been successful at helping. None of them came from a space of there's something wrong with you. In fact, it came from a space of love. I love you. I know this isn't you. I know you can get through this, and I'm gonna support you in whatever way that I can to help you get through this. And I know that I'm going to do everything in my power to create a space for you so that you can help yourself. And then if you still choose the addiction, I washed my hands. I did everything that I could. I love you. See you later. And sometimes that's what you have to say. Unfortunately, sometimes the tough love is the option. Sometimes it's that, Hey, I've done everything that I can. I want you to know that I totally love you if you're gonna continue to choose this path and kill yourself in this way. It's on you. I wish you well. I walk away. Oh, that's hard. That's hard to do, but you can do it if you need to do it. Now, the, the, the people in my life that I did help out, I had one good friend who was drinking a lot and wouldn't come out of their, And it was bad. It was really bad and I didn't know what to do, but I knew that, this is a path that would lead to quick death. And so I called their parents. I found their parents' phone number. I called their parents and I told them what was going on. Now, in retrospect, was that the best thing to do? I don't know, but it worked. It worked. And by the way I apologize for taking that action at that time because that's not what they wanted, but it worked. It worked because they had to face the stigma of what their family would think and it, it brought it up to their attention and they dealt with it. Now again, that might not, not always work, but I took a drastic action that I. Couldn't be remedied that it was just, you have to, there's, if I'm calling to say that there's a problem and I am closely related to this person, then there must be a problem. So I drew a line where they just had to look at it and they wouldn't be able to not look at it. I had another friend who I helped them treat their own deal. I. Held space for them. I, you know, we did a, this was with a different substance, it was with opiates that they were addicted to, and I ended up being their pharmacist. You know, I would give them the, the pills for a while so that they could wean themselves off to a point where they were able to just let it go and that process. For them was particularly awful and super challenging, cuz coming off opiates. Whew. Man, it is tough. And let me tell you, methadone and all those other things, it's just another addiction that you're replacing it with. So you're still reliant on the pills. So then how do you get off of that? It's, it's a real challenge, but I held space for this person so that they could get, get over it and they are completely, it's amazing. It's beautiful and I'm super glad that I did that because. Now I have this amazing person in, in my life still, and everyone else gets this person as well. What I can say as far as dealing with somebody who is addicted in your life, ask yourself, what is it that I can do to help them from a place of love, knowing that this isn't them. Knowing that underneath the addiction is just an idea that there's some inadequacy there, that there's some insufficiency, that there's something fundamentally wrong with them, that they got from a long time ago, that they need to heal. That compassion coming from, I love you no matter what. There's nothing that you can say to me that will get me to not love you. I love you. How can I help? I know that this isn't you. I'm here for. Create a situation where they can sober up and think about it. You know, I had another, another quick, anecdote. I created a situation for a friend where they were staying with me and I got rid of all of the booze in my house. There was nothing and they didn't have a car, and I live in the country, so there was no options. And I'll tell you, after a day, couple days, we had a really, really good talk. Really good talk that helped them. Now that person's still facing their own challenges, et cetera. But it was a way where I was able to create a situation where they were able to get outside of the addiction and see it for themselves. So I wanna say first of all, if you're facing somebody with addiction, my heart goes out to you. If you're facing addiction in yourself, my heart goes out to you. If it's with, and, and by the way, I believe in you. I believe that you can get out of this. Okay? I really do., I really believe that you can get out of this, and I love you, and I give you my love as a choice. I do. The love in my heart connects to the love in your heart, and I wish you well. If you are facing a situation where you have an addiction in yourself, ask for help for sure. If you're facing a situation where you have addiction, where you, if you're facing a situation where you're with somebody who has an addiction themselves, ask yourself, what is it that I can do that is going to be a stand so much for them that they will have the space? To save themselves, because that's the only way that works. And if you've done that, if you've had the intervention, if you've taken them to the facility, if you've, whatever it is that you've, that, that means for you, if you've said, look, I can't, I recognize that you're addicted, and I totally love you, and I want the best for you. And when you're ready to talk to talk about it, call me. I'm totally here for you, but I can't be friends with you right now. All right. I can't. Whatever associate with you right now, I gotta cut this off cuz it's not good for me. I hope you see that. You know, ask yourself, what can I do for them? How can I come from love in a way that creates a space where they get a break from the addiction, where they get a break from the idea that they are inadequate in some way. How do I love that part of them that they refuse to love themselves? That's a super powerful question. Again, coming from love, it's not easy, but it is simple. It is simple. Even if it's just recognizing this other person out there is living, breathing, and they don't know what's going on. Just like me, we're in this together, that we are both organisms on this planet moving around. Walking, dancing, know what mean doing it, and it's confusing and we're all human and I choose to love them because we are related and I choose to love them because I know that that's an incredibly powerful space to come from. And I submit that the more that I come from love, when it is challenging, the more fulfilled I am in my own life. The more I'm able to offer to other people, the more I'm able to be of service and the better that I feel about this guy. Know what I mean? Outside of the egos, et cetera. Know what I mean? I know that I'm coming from a good place. and I just wanna close by saying wherever you are in this process, in a place that is challenging, I want you to know that I support you and I wish you well, and I wish you love and I give you love, Luna C is a creation of myself. Jeff Ado with Podcast Management and Support by Kimberly Joy, voice l l C. Much love.